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March 11, 2008This is a bit out of topic for this blog, but I just could not help writing something about this after I read an article in the Philippine edition of Yes! magazine about a famous Filipino couple, both successful singers but have separated. The guy had a child with another woman after the separation and the girl too, had a relationship with another Filipino actor.
The magazine interviewed them separately and each had their chance to explain the whys and the whats of the events in their lives. What got me really into a foul mood was the guy saying: “I may not be a perfect husband, but I am the greatest father to my kids.”
I am not usually fond of reading showbiz materials but I just had this opportunity to read this one and I did not like what I read. These showbiz people are looked up to by others as example and whatever they say, to some becomes the gospel truth. So now I ask: how can a man become the greatest father to his kids if he is not the perfect husband?
I should clarify the context of this question.
The guy admitted his indiscretions publicly, he confessed his sins of an illicit relationship with another woman while being married. And as such, he is not perfect. I am not saying I am perfect because I did not commit the same “sin” as he did, but I try my best to be a good husband. I need not aspire to be “perfect”, nor does anyone should.
But being the greatest father means being at least a good husband. And part of being a good husband is being at least a good father to the kids.
I want my kids to know that I love and respect their mother and this is what I expect them to do to their spouses when they get married. My being a great father to them is complemented by my being a good husband to my wife. While being a husband comes first before being a father, there is no distinction when it comes to showing love and respect to each of them. If, for example, I reneged on my marital vows of being with my wife “’til death do us part,” then I am not showing a good example to my kids, and this makes me fall short of being a good father. Am I not responsible for educating them about giving love and respect to others? Am I not the one tasked by God to assist them in learning about the ways of the world and how to act accordingly? Am I not a failure if I they did not learn from me how to show their own future partners the same love and respect I showered their mother?
As a biker and an advocate for the environment, I have commitments to fulfill towards the realization of any activities involving them, but again, they are subordinate to my being a father and a husband. My being a biker because I want to preserve the environment cannot take precedence over the fact that my family comes first. This may not come across as altruistic at all but even as I want to save the environment in whatever way I can, I have to start with my wife and kids. Yet again, they have to be complementary.
I cannot proclaim to the world that “I may not be a good father and husband, but I am the greatest biker and environmentalist” or vice versa, and expect to be admired. I cannot in conscience, leave the care of my kids to my wife alone while I attend to enviromental issues. But neither can I ignore those same issues and be a good father and husband. I need to balance both my social duties and family concerns. That’s what being complementary is all about.
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Well said.
Thanks, Delmer.
Bloghopping. I read this somewhere and I totally agree: THE BEST GIFT A FATHER CAN GIVE TO HIS CHILDREN IS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER. It may not completely support what you said, but loving means not hurting.
Great post.
very good point indeed, I totally agree…galing mo talaga kapuso! =)
Thank you Rebecca, my kapuso…
totally agree. it’s showbiz and everything that comes from their mouths are just press releases. i REALLY HATE PINOY SHOWBIZ. I puke whenever i watch showbiz oriented shows. They sell their lives as if they were fishes in the fish stalls. If one doesn’t know how to respect and love the mother, then how the hell would he ever respect and love the kids. I don’t think so.
Well said Rino. You’re right that our component parts cannot/should not be separated. “Authenticity” means that our “reality” doesn’t change based upon environment or activity. The more we live there, the better we live.
Your children and your wife are very blessed.
@ewok: THE BEST GIFT A FATHER CAN GIVE TO HIS CHILDREN IS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER - indeed and I do want my children to know this.
@bluep: I could hear you muttering, no shouting “I really hate Pinoy showbiz!”. Lol…siguro your hatred for them is just next to the tenant there in Malacanang…
@heather: yes, some people would rather distort reality to fit their expectation of life rather try their best to understand what is actually expected of them. For me, an authentic human being is one who live by Divine and human principles - acting accordingly as what God and others expect them.
Very well said Rino, I salute you for that. Good post
By the way, salamat sa pagdaan. I’ll come back here for more read.
Hi Nona, thanks for the comment. May mga bagay lang talaga na hindi ko matanggap na pinagsasabi ng mga showbiz people natin dito na akala mo hawak nila ang mundo sa mga palad nila.